I check this blog much more frequently than I actually contribute to it. When I see you've left me a secret dispatch, the pleasure point in my brain goes off. You're my emotional Easter Bunny, my soul Santa -- there's something juvenile, magical, exciting about discovering you've left something for me in the night.
Today I feel overwhelmed by all the things (feelings or experiences, really) I want in life. I want to be in California, but I never want to leave you. I want to be here to plan your wedding, I do not want to be far away and have Susie do it instead. I want to be with you when you are pregnant and i want to be with you when i am pregnant. I want us to share an office, even if we're still working for different people. I want Frankie to grow up thinking I'm one of her aunts. I want to sustain our friend family because it is more sustaining to me than any other family. When you are gone for a long time, i go through a kind of amnesia where i feel like i have to restructure my life around something other than you, where I worry you've found something better to fill in for me, and I have to scurry to do the same.
1 comment:
had to stop myself from calling you to talk on my 3 yr anniversary yesterday... i.e. yes we verge happily on the edge of unhealthy
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